It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
3pm strippers are depressing
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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