Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
