forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
