I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
