i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
