sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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