Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
