You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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