I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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