i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
