she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
