Betty ford says i'm here all night
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
