Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
