the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
