you guys were way drunker than both of me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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