His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
