you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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