I checked into jail on foursquare
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
