: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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