Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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