I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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