you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
