I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
