i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
