Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
