If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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