i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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