Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
