Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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