dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
