I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
