i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
