sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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