Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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