I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Randomize
