Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
