i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
