Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
