How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
