Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
