I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
