Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
