Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
