in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
