If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
