Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
