Buhtt sex?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
