All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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