SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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