whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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